unhalofandomcom-20200214-history
343 Guilty Spark
343 Guilty Spark is a floating anus bead that annoyingly backstabs you in every game...although, both times, you were kinda trying to blow up his toy Cockring, so in a way, you're the backstabber. He can also be known as "Eyeball 3000" but if he hears you say that, he'll set some freaky floaty gun guys on you. Shame, it's a nice name. 343 Guilty Spark spends most of his time floating around and humming, otherwise known as annoying the crap outta MasterMaster ChiefQueef and many other Halo characters. He likes to Hula-hoop a lot and so he tries anything to protect his shiny new Hula-hoops. At one point, Spark became criminally insane on Alpha Hoola-hoop trying to destroy the Aids. He was destroyed when Avery Johnson's badassness deflected his penis ray on the second Alpha-hoop but then self destructed and ended the universe but chuck norris had survived by going into some ship that a retard left behind. During that the assbiter snuck abord the unsc no pubic hair frigate and went reverse shoop da whoop and split the ship in half in a pityful attemp at trying to kill master cheif. Personality Sparky was built by the Fatrunners in their attempt to build those cool looking cameras from Half-Life 2, which created the Monitors. Sparky was inquisitive as a young Data Chip, constantly roaming the Internet for porn, though he did have a great fear of the Arabic numeral 2. Finally he found some Japanese girls puking in eachothers mouths. Ever since, he is said to have been masturbating in his room. Eventually when he was 21, Sparky was kicked out of his parents' place and found a job prostituting himself on Installation 04 (also called Delicious Onion Ring) where he would rise through the ranks over millenia, from Waterboy for the Sentinel team, to the leading AI. He dislikes AIDs. He is also extremely racist, seen on alpha Onion Ring the fourth when he melts Sergeant Johnson because Johnson tries to use his Onion Ring. He then found enlightenment when he briefly turned to Islam. After being shitted on by Islam he blew up Iran and raped Hussein. His awesome powers of doing absolutely nothing has made him a fun target to attempt to kill over the year, but his own super badassness kicks fucking amrine and Arbiter ass (Spartans all know the way to kill him is to tell him a porno website he doesnt already know) Alternatively his brains may fry if you show him the alien concept to him known as "Normal Porn" History 343 Guilty Spark has a thing for jacking people off, as shown when at the Book Store he left the Master Thief for no reason, leaving him to fight off fucktons of AIDS.Which leaves some to wonder my master chief didnt go ahead and anally rape him....... One day, Navi was annoying Wheatly and he said "SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH!" And took a dump on her, and 343 Guilty Spark (along with 434 innocent spark, 343's brother who he rapes often) rose from the steaming turd. He soon began to piss people off with his odd voice. It sounded like Homer Simpson raping a hamster with sounds of hoodlums running from da po po in the background (or Gabriel Butler), also when I was a child my dad thought that he was a woman from his voice. He has this sex-ray pregnates all women he hits with it but it doesn't work with men(it kills them)and certainly not with n00bs. It was almost comparable to the Gravemind moment (wow he had anger issues) or an episode of Cops. For his odd voice he was condemned to protect installation 04 from the Flood, Covenant, Master Chief, Pie, and any other wild things Bungie could piss forth. He was actually quite successfu in his work, he protected the installation from all... that was until HereticChief|the n00b]] came in and ruined 343's killing spree. Then 343 Guilty Spark was blown into space where a bunch of god-hating atheists found him floating. Soon they revived him and Spark vowed revenge against Master Chief, but not before looking up some scat porn! MMMM YUMMY YUMMY! Oh sorry, I lost my train of thought for a second there. He read How to Kill that Guy who Pissed you off a lot as a Kid and 343 Guilty Spark even had subscriptions to How to Get Ripped Fast! along with What the f%** Today ''and ''Topless Robot (which he then deleted because he thought it was robot porn, starting his mission to rape Rob Bricken in the ass). When Master Chief and 343 Guilty Spark did meet again, 343 decided to play him and act like a good guy. When the Chief wasn't ready, Arbiturd was outside being a knave(n00b), and Sgt. Johnson was activating Halo, 343 Guilty Spark took his sex-ray and tried to pregnate poor Avery Johnson. Then he had an ultimate battle with Chief and got pwnd.It is believed that Guilty Spark is such an asshole because in his development the Genital installation program failed which ultimately meant he had to go around with no balls for the rest of his life. This means that he must reproduce by eating a grunt penis for some reason. Guilty Spark is also known to spew crap while you are in the act of Flood Extermination. He'll say things like, "You're only wearing a Class 2 Combat Skin. Switch to a 12." Like, okay, are you going to GIVE ME A 12? No. He won't, he'll just TELL you that you're in a crappy suit. Known Victims of his ray *Johnson *His bitch *Wheatly *Micheal Jackson(it was a prototype then but it made him develop Stolkholm's) *Flipyap *Yapflip *Rihanna *Yo Mama *Linda-096 *A lot of AIDs in Alpha onion rings *Noble 2 *Ghost *Roach Sanderson *Miranda Keyes *Noble 6 *Saddam Hussein *The Thirsty Grunt *Yo sister *Random Generic Flood *Random Generic Human *A fictional elite created on gruntipedia made as a movie reference *http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090304232855/unhalo/images/6/67/0_o.PNG%7CMusculus *Cortana (that was how they made 69 Sexy Boobs) *Rob Bricken *The Grinch *Cackletta *Gandolff the Purple * AnusBalls * Rapiest * crips * bloods * justin bieber * The Nostalgia Critic * How he got PWNED BREAKING NEWS: Remnants of Spark's shell were found in a sheered-off segment of Installation 04. The main cause of death: a massive orgy, caused by a big, green wanna-be Godzilla in forest-green armor. If you see him, report directly to us at removed due to privacy as soon as possible. D'Wolfff Blarg Blarg Dicknballs reporting for Elite News Channel High Charity. In other words don't piss off a spartan, or else they will use their Chainsaw Launchers. What he is Guilty of: *Attempting to kill MC on Alpha Hula Hoop. *Attempting to rob the index from Whoretana. *Teleporting MC to SSHHHHH! Be quiet in the Library! *Raping Cortana. *Slapping Cortana. *Picking up a huge box and terrorising a whole city by dropping it on them. *Killing Mr. T *Manufacturing barb-wire dildos *Manufacturing barb wire fences made from regular dildos *Choking on anal beads *Being guilty *Stealing my nachos, the sick fuck! *Stealing George Lucas' idea of there being annoying British robots in this universe. Bastard. *Stealing RED team's inteligence. *Betraying MC. * Anally raping C390 * watching fucktons of furry porn * uses Apple computers in Microsoft stores * shoved up AIDS in cortanas vaganus Trivia *He is the cousin of C-3PO, but you already knew that because of their equal level of annoyance *He killed his cousin C-3PO with his big red lazer, to become the most annoying being in the universe... *He was College roomies with The Brave Little Toaster that went to Mars at the University of Texas A&M. *His Brother in Law was WALL-E, until WALL-E divorced Spark's sister the week after they got married. *He invented the food nipple. *He has a power switch, which hasn't been flipping in over 9000 years. *When he went rampant he just turned into the red ring of death. *He is in competition with Lord Shithead for being the biggest Forerunner invention asshole. *He is actually the cousin of Wheatley, no wonder they both are lightbulbs, have a blue eye in the middle, have a silver body, have a British accent and both turn against you. *The very first porno movie he saw didn't involve actual sex. *Though he is an annoying piece of talking metal made in Taiwan, all he really wanted deep down was to be a real boy. Category:Forerunner Category:Bosses